At Carmen's house today, me and Casey were pulling nails out of boards. Then he asked me "Have you ever thought about committing suicide?"

I just looked at him and said, "No, never. Why?"

"I've tried to," he said with a straight face.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Drug overdose, and also after I found out my mom was gay."

"Should I believe you?"

"It's not funny."

"I'm not laughing."

Now that I've found out that a lot of my church friends have attempted suicide, I realize how good my life is. I'm so happy with my life. Right now I just want to run up to Casey and have him hold me as I cry. Why do I cry? I'm not sure. But I think it's because of my friends I thought were so happy and had wonderful lives have attempted suicide.

Yesterday morning at the cross, after everyone was on their way down, Lauren, Caitlyn, Kelsey and Collin stayed up there. Lauren and Caitlyn were hugging and Caitlyn was moving further towards the side of the mountain. Lauren wouldn't let go. Then Kelsey grabbed Lauren and Caitlyn was grabbed by Collin. Then Caitlyn tried to jump but Collin caught her just in time. She kicked and wanted to jump so bad.

As I heard that, I was so amazed. Even Casey said he was tempted to jump. It just makes me so sad, that I have totally abused all the love in my family and stuff like that. Not abuse but I mean like not care. But now that I see how other people need that love so bad, I'd give them all of mine if I could. But now I see that I can. Casey cried last night. John cried. Everyone cried but Kelsey.

I love all of them so much. I want to give them all my love. And I'm going to try. I just want to hold Casey right now. Just to hold him in my arms and comfort him. Oh, how I wish I could. But oh well. I'm going to see what's going on for lunch. I heard fish tacos.