Thursday

I was one of maybe three students who got to go to the Orphanages twice. I was the only one who went to the same one twice.

There, I became attached to a little girl named Cassandra. She was so pretty and so precious. She loved to be picked up and spun around or piggy-back rides or to ride on my shoulders. I love her so much.

I saw her twice, unlike any other student. Ms. Grissom knows how I feel, she loves Cassandra and Alma.

Jillian became attached (more than I to Cassandra) to Alma. Alma asked her to be her mother. I told Jillian last night, that if we don't see them again on earth, we'll see them in Heaven. I saw passion for Christ in them when they pray. I see love and joy. I see faith. We saw the puzzle pieces.

There, sitting on the ground as we were leaving were the puzzle pieces. Sunday night service was about "Where is God when bad things happen?" The puzzle pieces was to show that what's going on right now is just a small piece of the big puzzle.

But where was God for those children? He's been there all along!

Holly Joy

Tuesday

Have mucho fun! Yesterday was awesome. I stayed on this side of the border and even though people who were working in Mexico saw God in so many ways, my eyes were opened to a parable during our meeting last night.

Yesterday, as we were painting the playground equipment, we began to get paint on us. As we kept on painting, we were covered with more and more paint. Then, Pastor Steve returned from the store with some paint remover that removed the paint really fast. Painting is like our life, as we keep on living, we sin over and over again. Eventually, we're covered with it, and it seems everyone can see what we've done as if we had it marked on our forehead. Then, someone brings the word of Jesus Christ into our life (Steve in the case of the paint). Whenever we accept Jesus into our heart, He forgives us of our sins and they are washed away with his blood.

Also, we were painting it red and lets say the red is temptation and the playground equipment is the World. As we get farther along, there's more and more temptation. Jesus comes and is crucified, and the people of the world are washed clean.

Holly Joy

Monday

Hola again! It's been a little over a year.

It's soooo different, I mean, seriously.

I saw God and felt Him the first time in a long time last night during prayer. I liked it.

One thing, extremely scarey, I think this one guy named Owen likes me. Oh, I have to go.

Friday

Okay, the fish tacos weren't that bad. They were actually kinda good.

This morning was the last morning to climb the mountain. Last night, I talked to Casey again. He made me promise to never do drugs. He doesn't trust himself to walk to the top of the mountain after thinking of jumping last time. I didn't know what to say, I've never even been close to thinking about suicide. I'm just so happy. But to think that Casey's mom is lesbian and Casey had an overdose on drugs. It's just so sad. I wish there was something I could do to help Casey out.

I don't know if I already said this or not, how I thought Laura was my encouragement partner. Well I was so positive she was because Sunday night she borrowed my flashlight and I caught a glimpse of my name in her diary. Well, last night I found out who had me, and it was Lee, Laura's mom, instead. I think Lee even said once about the bracelate she got me, "Oh that's so beautiful! Who got it for you?" I had no idea... Adios!

At Carmen's house today, me and Casey were pulling nails out of boards. Then he asked me "Have you ever thought about committing suicide?"

I just looked at him and said, "No, never. Why?"

"I've tried to," he said with a straight face.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Drug overdose, and also after I found out my mom was gay."

"Should I believe you?"

"It's not funny."

"I'm not laughing."

Now that I've found out that a lot of my church friends have attempted suicide, I realize how good my life is. I'm so happy with my life. Right now I just want to run up to Casey and have him hold me as I cry. Why do I cry? I'm not sure. But I think it's because of my friends I thought were so happy and had wonderful lives have attempted suicide.

Yesterday morning at the cross, after everyone was on their way down, Lauren, Caitlyn, Kelsey and Collin stayed up there. Lauren and Caitlyn were hugging and Caitlyn was moving further towards the side of the mountain. Lauren wouldn't let go. Then Kelsey grabbed Lauren and Caitlyn was grabbed by Collin. Then Caitlyn tried to jump but Collin caught her just in time. She kicked and wanted to jump so bad.

As I heard that, I was so amazed. Even Casey said he was tempted to jump. It just makes me so sad, that I have totally abused all the love in my family and stuff like that. Not abuse but I mean like not care. But now that I see how other people need that love so bad, I'd give them all of mine if I could. But now I see that I can. Casey cried last night. John cried. Everyone cried but Kelsey.

I love all of them so much. I want to give them all my love. And I'm going to try. I just want to hold Casey right now. Just to hold him in my arms and comfort him. Oh, how I wish I could. But oh well. I'm going to see what's going on for lunch. I heard fish tacos.

I didn't sleep very well last night. I dreampt of Casey. It was a weird dream, and I would keep sitting up in bed. THis morning I also heard that last night there was a figure in our room. They think it was Satan. They couldn't see the face, only the silhouette. They said they were really scared, and that Chelsea screamed when she saw it both times. It's weird. I dind't think Satan would be able to come to a place so full of God.

We were all chosen for this trip. And I realized that tonight was the night that changed my life. This is why I was called here. As Caitlyn went around the circle and got to me, she said, "Holly, she speaks her mind. She argues with me and I love that she's always the only one who doesn't mind me yelling at her." That was my mission. To give these girls lives. To show them that I am not afraid of what will happen. I place it all in God's hands.